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Trump jokes 
Post: #1   PostPosted: Sat Dec 23, 2017 1:12 pm Reply with quote
Kwacka
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On Xmas Eve Donald is visited by the ghosts of three past presidents.

Roosevelt arrives and says "You want to make America great again? Think only of the people"

This doesn't cut much ice with 'the Donald' so he turns over in his bed.

Just as he's dropping off, Washington appears, and offers his advice "never tell a lie". Likewise this falls on deaf ears.

Finally, Lincoln arrives and says "You want to make America great again - go to the theatre".


Last edited by Kwacka on Mon Jan 08, 2018 6:47 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Post: #2   PostPosted: Sat Dec 23, 2017 2:16 pm Reply with quote
devil
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Ouch!

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Post: #3   PostPosted: Sat Dec 23, 2017 5:24 pm Reply with quote
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Or maybe on a drive through Dallas? Cool

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Re: Trump 
Post: #4   PostPosted: Sun Dec 24, 2017 6:45 am Reply with quote
PatCon
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Kwacka wrote:
On Xmas Eve Donald is visited by the ghosts of three past presidents.

Roosevelt arrives and says "You want to make America great again? Think only of the people"

This doesn't cut much ice with 'the Donald' so he turns over in his bed.

Just as he's dropping off, Washington appears, and offers his advice "never tell a lie". Likewise this falls on deaf ears.

Finally, Lincoln arrives and says "You want to make America great again - go to the theatre".

Love that one Kwacka!
Also the one about the reporter asking after the assasination: Apart from that, Mrs Abraham Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?

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Post: #5   PostPosted: Mon Jan 08, 2018 6:46 pm Reply with quote
Kwacka
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The postal service created a stamp with a picture of Donald Trump. The stamp was not sticking to envelopes. This enraged the President who demanded a full investigation.

After a month of testing, the investigation commission presented the following findings:

1. The stamp is in perfect order.

2. There is nothing wrong with the applied adhesive.

3. People are spitting on the wrong side of the stamp.

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Post: #6   PostPosted: Mon Jan 08, 2018 7:19 pm Reply with quote
Woodrow Why?at
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The idea that Trump is childish is just a vicious rumour put about by the several thousands of people who have seen him dressed in diapers! Cool
(That's 'American' for nappies, Pete! Wink )

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Post: #7   PostPosted: Mon Jan 08, 2018 7:44 pm Reply with quote
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Woodrow Why?at wrote:
The idea that Trump is childish is just a vicious rumour put about by the several thousands of people who have seen him dressed in diapers! Cool
(That's 'American' for nappies, Pete! Wink )




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Post: #8   PostPosted: Mon Jan 08, 2018 8:53 pm Reply with quote
kanebill
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Mr Tibbs wrote:
Woodrow Why?at wrote:
The idea that Trump is childish is just a vicious rumour put about by the several thousands of people who have seen him dressed in diapers! Cool
(That's 'American' for nappies, Pete! Wink )




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The thing about that author is either he is a liar or Blair is because Blair denies the things written about him in the book.

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Post: #9   PostPosted: Mon Jan 08, 2018 8:57 pm Reply with quote
Steve - SJD
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Mr Tibbs wrote:
Woodrow Why?at wrote:
The idea that Trump is childish is just a vicious rumour put about by the several thousands of people who have seen him dressed in diapers! Cool
(That's 'American' for nappies, Pete! Wink )




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Nice one Mr T Wink

Cheers

Steve
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Post: #10   PostPosted: Sat Jan 13, 2018 1:03 pm Reply with quote
Kwacka
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(old joke, new ending)

Kim Jong Un is sitting in his office. He proudly tells his advisors:

“ North Korea will be the first country to send people to the sun!”

His advisors break out in applause. Meanwhile Donald Trump is watching this live on TV. He calls Kim Jong Un and asks him:

“How are you going to send people to the sun? It’s too hot!”

Kim Jong Un replies by saying to his advisors:

“What an idiot! We can send them at night!”

His advisors break out in applause. On hearing this Donald Trump says to his advisors:

“What an idiot!…

There is no sun at night!”

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Post: #11   PostPosted: Tue Jan 16, 2018 12:34 pm Reply with quote
Kwacka
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Trump is in the Oval Office at 3am, tweeting away. Suddenly, Satan appears in front of him.

“Donald, I have a proposition,” the Prince of Darkness said. “I will give you even more power and wealth than you can imagine, if you give me your soul.”

Trump sat back a moment and asked, “What’s the catch?”

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Post: #12   PostPosted: Sat Feb 24, 2018 2:15 pm Reply with quote
Kwacka
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The day is January 21st 2007, and tomorrow is to be Melania and Donald’s second anniversary.

Yet again, Melania has an inkling that he has forgotten. She was not wrong. As they sat opposite each other at dinner, a long mahogany table between them, she asks him ‘do you remember that tomorrow is our special day, our anniversary?’ knowing full well that he does not do hints.

He squints up, always suspicious of anytime his wife ever speaks to him ‘oh is it? That is tremendous’, whilst in his head doing a rough mathematical calculation.

Melania had been waiting for this moment all night, after he had had his two scoops of vanilla (never chocolate ice cream), to pounce ‘and do you remember our standing arrangement?’

Donald nodded. He had by now come to a number. The ice cream seemed to turn colder in his stomach.

Melania says ‘well for this one I know what I want as a gift, I would like a 20% raise’.

Donald nodded again, he could do it, she had been a bargain in the beginning anyway ‘ok darling, I will call Moscow in the morning’.

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Trump jokes 
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