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Cyprus Eastern Forum Index » Coffee Shop Chat » As a little light relief - remember Tommy Cooper?
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As a little light relief - remember Tommy Cooper? 
Post: #1   PostPosted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 2:07 pm Reply with quote
steviek987
Joined: 20 Dec 2006
Posts: 6
Pictures: 0

 
1. Two blondes walk into a building.......... you'd think at least one
of them would have seen it.

2. Phone answering machine message - "... If you want to buy
mariju@n@,press the hash key..."

3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.

5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are
too high."

6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him
in.

7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you
can't, I've cut your arms off".

8. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a muscle.

9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the
craft,it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak
and heat it.

10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home' "That's
like Tom Jones syndrome. ' Is it common? ' "It's not unusual."

13. A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is
there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, let's have a
look at him". So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks
his teeth.Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What?
Because he's cross-eyed? " "No, because he's really heavy"

14. Two elephants walk off a cliff... boom, boom!

15. What do you call a fish with no eye? A fsh.

16. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you
give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster,
go for it.'

17. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5
people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my Mum or my
Dad,or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I
think its Colin.

18. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The
other one says "So are you, you fat twit!"

19. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid,
and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other
one off.

20. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine'.
"Wasn't that nice!"

21. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several
places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"

Rolling Eyes

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Post: #2   PostPosted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 2:11 pm Reply with quote
brian16
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Joined: 14 Mar 2008
Posts: 1425
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Location: pyla

 
Tommy Cooper, probably one of the best comedians that ever lived, certainly my favourite of all time.
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Post: #3   PostPosted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 2:37 pm Reply with quote
Road Warrior
Joined: 05 Dec 2006
Posts: 953
Pictures: 5
Location: Atlantis

 
Wife says to her husband, "It's no good, I'm homesick." The husband says, "But this is your home", the wife says, ......................ah, you are way ahead of me, now, on of my TC favourites.

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Post: #4   PostPosted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 2:46 pm Reply with quote
Balconia
Joined: 17 Jul 2005
Posts: 2015
Pictures: 0
Location: Wetherby, West Yorkshire

 
What a legend Tommy Cooper was. He could always make me laugh even when he wasn't saying anything Laughing Laughing

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Carol
"you're never fully dressed without a smile!!"
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Post: #5   PostPosted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 2:47 pm Reply with quote
Kathyoke
Joined: 27 Mar 2006
Posts: 649
Pictures: 3

 
I slept like a log last night, woke up in the fireplace...........
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Post: #6   PostPosted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 2:53 pm Reply with quote
Kathyoke
Joined: 27 Mar 2006
Posts: 649
Pictures: 3

 
Anyone think that Robert McCaffrey off Sky Sports looks like Tommy Cooper?





Razz Razz
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Post: #7   PostPosted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 3:40 pm Reply with quote
Santorini Paul 1
Joined: 17 Jan 2007
Posts: 2717
Pictures: 0
Location: Dherynia

 
Just started a whisky diet... It's great, I've lost 3 days already.
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Post: #8   PostPosted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 3:50 pm Reply with quote
Hattie
Joined: 21 Jun 2007
Posts: 644
Pictures: 9
Location: Here Be Dragons............ ;-)

 
So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are!'

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Post: #9   PostPosted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 4:46 pm Reply with quote
Balconia
Joined: 17 Jul 2005
Posts: 2015
Pictures: 0
Location: Wetherby, West Yorkshire

 
And remember the song:


Daddy came home from work tired
His boss had been driving him mad.
The kids were all shouting, the dog bit him too
His dinner was nothing but boiled over stew.

I guess it was then he decided
Up to the rooftop he'd go
He was about to jump off when
The kids started howling below

'Don't jump off the roof, Dad
You'll make a hole in the yard
Mother's just planted petunias
The weeding and seeding was hard

If you must end it all, Dad
Won't you please give us a break
Just take a walk down the park, Dad
And there you can jump in the lake.'




Laughing Laughing Laughing Happy Days.

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Carol
"you're never fully dressed without a smile!!"
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Post: #10   PostPosted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 9:11 pm Reply with quote
Lindy
Joined: 30 Oct 2007
Posts: 896
Pictures: 0

 
.. a man goes to see the Doctor. 'Doc, I keep thinking I'm a spoon' - Doc replies ' Sit there and don't stir'.



I saw Tommy Cooper in the late 60s, when he appeared at The Fiesta in Stockton. At age 16, I wasn't really a fan, but he was hilarious.

Ah... happy days.
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Post: #11   PostPosted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 9:58 pm Reply with quote
brian16
Membership Closed
Joined: 14 Mar 2008
Posts: 1425
Pictures: 0
Location: pyla

 
What's the most common owl in the UK?
"The Barn Owl?"........No
"The Tawny Owl?"............No
"The Brown Owl?"...............No
"OK I give up, what is the most common owl in the UK?"

"The teat!"
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Post: #12   PostPosted: Fri Jul 04, 2008 5:36 am Reply with quote
Kathyoke
Joined: 27 Mar 2006
Posts: 649
Pictures: 3

 
"A woman told her doctor, "I've got a bad back." The doctor said, "It's old age." The woman said, "I want a second opinion". The doctor says, "OK. you're ugly as well."
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As a little light relief - remember Tommy Cooper? 
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