A lighthearted (pious hope?) reversed take on the immigration (mass expat return to the UK) hypothesis.
"A leaked Whitehall memo warns ministers that, soon after a no-deal Brexit, as many as 250,000 expats could leave the EU and return home to Britain.
Naturally the news has been met with widespread public concern.
“We need to take back control of our borders,” said Zbigniew Nowak, 42, a plumber from Stoke-on-Trent. “Bloody expats, coming over here, taking our jobs. This policy of open-door repatriation has got to stop. Our public services are already struggling to cope. The beds in our local hospital are full of British people.”
Other voters said their concerns were cultural.
“I’m not racist,” said Marian Popescu, 28, a fruit-picker from Boston, Lincolnshire. “Some of my best friends are British. But there’s far too many of them in this country as it is. Some days, you get on a train and all you hear is British accents. And on the high street there’s all these British shops, full of strange British foods and God knows what. I dread to think what’ll happen if they let all these expats in. It’s not just about the numbers. It’s about the pace of change to our communities.”
“I wouldn’t mind so many British people coming to live here, if they tried a bit harder to integrate,” added Hristo Ivanov, 36, a builder from Romford, Essex. “But they just keep to themselves, and end up living in these British ghettoes. Most of them can only speak English.”
The Prime Minister has attempted to quell public fears, by pledging to reduce the number of British people entering Britain to the tens of thousands.
Many voters, however, remain unimpressed.
“This country’s full,” said Kristyna Novotny, 41, a cleaner from Dover, Kent. “We don’t want any more of these expats. If you ask me, we should send them all back where they came from.”
The news also prompted concern abroad.
“I don’t want to come home,” said expat Barry Bunion, 69. “The reason I left Britain is because it’s full of immigrants. There aren’t any in Spain. Pretty much the only people living in my part of Benidorm are British.”
Meanwhile, Ukip released a statement from its immigration spokesman, Roger Spittle.
“There’s only one way to stop Britain being swamped by millions of expats,” he said, “and that’s to stay in the EU. We need a second referendum, now!”
Personally, I think the bloody Italian descendants are the worst.
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