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Posted By: rtp2010

You know you are a true Scot if... 1. Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, Sauchiehall, Auchtermuchty and Awfurfuksake 2. Ye actually like deep fried pizza fae the chippy 3. Yer used tae four seasons in wan day 4. Ye cannae pass a chip/kebab shop withoot slaverin' when yer blootert. 5. Ye kin fa' aboot pished withoot spillin' yer drink. 6. Ye see people wearin' shell suits wi' Burberry accessories - Pure Dead Class! 7. Ye measure distance in minutes. 8. Ye kin understaun' Rab C. Nesbitt an' ken characters jist like him in yer ain family 9. Ye go tae Saltcoats cus ye think it's like gaun tae the ocean 10. Ye kin make hael sentences jist wi' swear words 11. Ye ken whit haggis is made o' an' still like eating it. 12. Somedy ye ken has used a fitba' schedule tae plan thur weddin' date. 13. Ye've bin at a weddin' an' fitba scores are announced in the church/chapel 14. Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish 'n' chips, Irn-Bru, fags an' nappies all in the wan shop. 15. Ye ken Irn-Bru is a hangover cure. 16. Ye learnt tae swear afore ye learnt tae dae sums. 17. Ye actually understaun' this an' yer gonnae send it tae yer pals. 18. Finally, you are a 100% True Scot if you have ever said/heard these words/phrases: How's it hingin' Clarty Boggin' Cludgie Pished Get it up ye Wee beasties Erse bandit Amurny Away an' bile yer heid Peely-wally Humphy backit Ba' heid Baw bag Dubble nugget And finally... A wee Glesga wummin goes intae a butcher shop, where the butcher has just come oot o' the freezer an' is staunin' wi' his haunds ahint his back an' his erse aimed at an electric fire. The wee wummin checks oot the display case an' asks, 'Is that yer Ayrshire Bacon?' 'Naw,' replies the butcher 'It's jist ma hauns ah'm heatin.'



Posted By: Campbell Findlay

My God Ronnie - that took me back. Cheers, Campbell

Posted By: rtp2010

  • Campbell Findlay wrote:
    My God Ronnie - that took me back.
    Cheers,
    Campbell

aye, aye campbell,
there a few stotters in there, ken fit a' mean

Posted By: Tash

Aw Ronnie you do make me laugh, I can just picture you sayin all that lot :lol:

Posted By: Campbell Findlay

Thought of one or two more:- "Your arse is oot the windae" "Your just a wee nyaff" Campbell :lol:

Posted By: Smiter

I got an email with this one in it You know you are a true Scot when 1. 'Scattered showers with outbreaks of sunshine and a cold northerly wind' is good weather! 2. The only sausage you like is 'square'. 3. You have been forced to do Scottish country dancing every year at high school. 4. You know a wide vocabulary of random Scottish words - an idiot is 'a numpty'. 'Aye'- yes. 'Aye Right'-not likely. 'Auldjin'- someone over 40. 'Baltic'-freezing. 'Dry yer eyes'- aww..diddums. 'Dry Boak'- sickened. etc 5. You have an irrational need to eat anything fried with your supper from the chippy: haggis, pizza, white pudding, sausage, fish, chicken (but not mars bars) etc... 6. You used to love destroying your teeth when you were young; Buchanan's toffees, wham bars, tablet, Irn-Bru bars, Cola Cubes, etc 7. You have an enormous feeling of dread whenever the Scotland national football team play a 'diddy' team that we will lose to. 8.You happily engage in a conversation about the weather. 'Dreich day eh? Aye at least the wind has died down' 9.Even if you normally hate the Proclaimers, Runrig, Caledonia, Deacon Blue, Big Country etc. you still LOVE it when you're in a club abroad and they play something Scottish. (you'll probably even ask the DJ to play itů) 10. You take a perverse level of pride by the fact that Scotland has the highest number of alcohol and smoking related deaths in Europe. At least we know how to party, 'Yer a lang time deed'. 11. You used to get up really early on a Saturday/Sunday to watch cartoons when you were a kid. You watched Glen Michael's Cartoon Cavalcade on a Sunday afternoon with his sidekick oil lamp called Paladin. You remember Glen giving Paladin a good hard stroke!. 12. You were given an Oor Wullie or Broons Annual at Christmas. 13. You have come in from the pub pi**ed with flatmates and watched an episode of Weirs Way engrossed by a little guy with a bobbly hat walking around Scotland. 14. You can tell where another Scot is from by their accent. E.g. Glaswegian: 'Awright pal, gonnae gies a wee swatch oa yur Record, cheers, magic pal' Fifer: 'Aye, that wifie is getting it oan wi a laddie fae the butchers' Dundonian: 'Twa bridies, a plen ane in an ingin ane an a' Aberdonian: 'Fit ya bin up tae, fair few quines in the night eh?' Invernesian: 'Ah-ee, Right Enufff! 'How's you keeeeeepeeeen?'. 15. You see police and hear someone shout 'Errrapolis' 16. You have participated in or witnessed people having a 'square go'. 17. You know that when someone asks you which school you went to, they actually want to know if you're a protestant or a catholic. 18. You have eaten lots of random Scottish food like Bridies, Aberdeen Rowies(butteries), Mince & Tatties, Haggis, Cullen Skink, Stovies, Tunnock's Teacakes/Snowballs, Scott's Porridge Oats, Macaroon Bars, Baxters Soup, Scotch Pies, Scotch Eggs, Oatcakes, Shortbread, Arbroath Smokies etc. 19. A jakey has asked you for money: 'Got any spare change hen?' 20. You wait expectantly for your 1p change from the shopkeeper. 21.You know the right response to 'yoo dancin' is 'yoo askin', followed by 'am askin' and finally 'then am dancin!!' 22. You know that whenever you see sawdust it reminds you of pools of vomit because that's what the 'jannies' used to chuck on it. 23. You lose all respect for a groom that doesn't wear a kilt to his wedding. 24. You don't do the groceries or shopping, you do the 'messages'. 25.You've been sitting quietly on the train/bus and then a drunk man sits beside ye..telling ye a 'joke' ..and saying 'I'm no annoying ye am a hen/pal?' You: 'Not at all...yer fine...'a think this is ma stop!!' 26.You know a Scottish male can have a telephone conversation using only the words 'Awright', 'Aye' and 'Naw'. 27. You have experienced the peer pressure to have an alcoholic drink after you've ordered something non-alcoholic. 'Mon, have a drink, whit's wrang, ye driving? Naw. Are you no well? Naw. Get yersel a drink, (other folk-Wahey!) 28.You know ye cannae fling pieces oot a twenty storey flat, seven hundred hungry weans'll testify, to that. If it's butter, cheese or jeely, if the breid is plain or pan, the odds against it reaching earth are ninety-nine tae wan. 29. You know that going to a party at a friends house means bring your own drinks 30.Your holiday abroad is ruined if you hear there is a 'heatwave' in Scotland while you're away.

Posted By: Hogarth55

:D lOVE IT!!!


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