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Posted By: scottie

Poor lady I know the feeling have had it myself on ocassion over the last few months. Lets hope she bounces back and if I ever experience it again although I too do not like gin I am going to try her recipe :)



Posted By: Denise55

Reluctant to bring the mood down but unfortunately this lady has had enough and keeps now saying she just wants to die. :( My friend visits her every day and keeps her in fresh clean nighties. I suppose. after a good life. when the quality of life lessens to that point it must be hard. She had a very bad stroke at 93 when she had to give up playing golf and driving but has lived alone and independently until this recent hospital stay. Her mind is as sharp as a needle but her body is worn out. On a good note though she has always sworn by 5 prunes soaked in gin every day even though she didn't like gin. :lol:

Posted By: scottie

Good note to go to bed on THERE IS HOPE FOR US ALL !!!!!!!

Posted By: Denise55

  • Elizavet wrote:
    • scottie wrote:
      So many sad stories. :( Beginning to perhaps regret starting this thread but I do think as well as practical outcomes it can be theraputic for others to tell there stories. They tell us we could live to 100 shortly. Can you imagine !!!!!!!

    Hope if I live to that age, I can still mange to hobble along on my zimmer frame to get my roots done . :lol:

Friend's aunt has been in hospital for the last 4 weeks. She's 103 and has been wearing wigs for quite a few years. :lol: Had to give up playing bridge 3 times a week 6 weeks ago as she didn't feel too well.

Posted By: scottie

Hope I keep my hair that long if so wont worry about roots :D

Posted By: Elizavet

  • scottie wrote:
    So many sad stories. :( Beginning to perhaps regret starting this thread but I do think as well as practical outcomes it can be theraputic for others to tell there stories. They tell us we could live to 100 shortly. Can you imagine !!!!!!!

Hope if I live to that age, I can still mange to hobble along on my zimmer frame to get my roots done . :lol:

Posted By: scottie

So many sad stories. :( Beginning to perhaps regret starting this thread but I do think as well as practical outcomes it can be theraputic for others to tell there stories. They tell us we could live to 100 shortly. Can you imagine !!!!!!!

Posted By: Elizavet

I just hope I go quick. :) That is the best way, no lingering illness that can cause distress to others , my dad had lukemia and suffered for 5 years although he kept working as much as he could until about a fortight before he passed away. My mum went 6 months after him peacefully in her sleep. A broken heart the Dr said. I never forget my dad's words his father and grandfather suffered from Alzihmers and he dreaded ending up like them . He said to me at least I am going now before I get like my faither and grandfaither , and won't be a burden to you all.





Posted By: scottie

Another dreadful heartbreaking story. It has made it clear to me that ". fings aint wot they used to be ". The thing is you and the warden were there one of you knew what buttons to push ie the warden. This as part of the dilemma. In a foreign land even if your children came over at once what would they do. What would you have been able to do if the roles were reversed and your mother had been living here. Would we know where to turn? Perhaps I am looking too deeply into this but after an illness which stretched over 8 months and myself and O/H struggling through it I have become aware as I recover that the time will come when that will not be the case and I think to say as they do here avrio avrio is fine but suddenly tomorrow is upon us. We will I am sure come up with some constructive ideas for the future. Journo seemed pretty knowledgable about things so we will have him as chairman. Truly sorry you and your mother had to bear such indignities :(

Posted By: Super Gran

Last year was a truly horrible year for me , my Mother was admitted to hospital after a fall , after being told by my daughter ' don't worry Mum you don't need to come back 'I received a phone call from her a week later to say they had done some tests on Mum and she had terminal Bowel and Liver Cancer .I flew back the next day to be told she could have an operation but it wouldn't make much difference,my Mum was 95 I know that was a great age to be but we couldn't put her through the pain ,once we told the hospital she wasn't having the operation it was as though she slipped off the radar ,when she was getting discharged several times I asked about follow up care for her in her flat to be told 'don't worry it will be sorted ',the day she was discharged she arrived at the flat (where I was waiting for) her wet through , (she had wet herself ) and was upset , the hospital had her sitting up for hours when she couldn't because it was painful for her , the ambulance men were brilliant but they were only allowed to put her to bed , I phoned the ward to find out about her care to be told 'Oh no she's not getting anything today ,it should start tomorrow' if it wasn't for her brilliant warden at the flat phoning for emergency care I don't know what we would have done, also if she didn't have any family or friends around I hate to think what could have happened . Also they had cancelled her Meals on Wheels and never re-organised it when I kept asking about that in Hospital they got quite short with me and told me they would sort it but like everything else it never happened,they gave her six months to a year to live and bless her she battled on for 9 months , I know this is a bit of a rambling post ,but it was truly horrible to experience it, I don't have much faith in the NHS anymore .

Posted By: Elizavet

Well when if I ever get there you can count on me. :)

Posted By: scottie

I do have close friends but I think in another country it depends also the area you live in. I find myself between a rock and a hard place ie British married to a Cypriot. Living in the UK the differences were not so apparent , both working both with different and mixed circle of friends. so Here O/H does not do pubs and bingo etc is like learning another language. So the opportunity of acquiring a large circle of friends can evade you. We do have my husbands family here in Larnaca but as I said in an earlier post they all have family commitments closer to home and much as we are a close family and love each other time and distance are of the essence. My friends here strangley are all very much younger than myself , as I say these things are determined mainly by the neighbourhood you choose to live in and they too have young children and jobs which take up most of their time anyway lets face it do they when the time comes want to be spending any free time ferrying oldies about. If you find yourself living in a mainly British community I would imagine things may be different I dont know Hence the post :?

Posted By: Elizavet

Not having the need to visit an in-patient for a long time, over the last year, I have taken elderly neighbours to visit family members. 2 brand new hospitals have been built in our area, you know thw one that closed A&E at night as it said they could not get doctors to run it at night. Turns out the trust has no money to balance the books and all staff at 3 hospitals have been asked to take a weeks leave without pay. Now these flashy new hospitals have been built by private sector, run by them . The first neighbour's sister had a stroke, when we arrived, she was hanging out of the bed , lunch tray was on the table at the side of her not touched, bedding was soiled, she was a mess unwashed , unkempt, stained nightie. My neighbour who is in her 80's took up nursing at 15 and worked all her life in nursing, ward sister, theatre sister, and Matron. She was horrified when she seen the state of her sister, she had me helping her sort her out, make her more comfortable, clean her up, feed her, how can someone who has had a stroke feed themselves, even pick up and drink from a tumbler was impossible. A youghurt pot with foil top how hard is that to open . She went to the nurses station and asked for a bed rail, a cup with a spout, clean bedding and other things she thought were required. They just looked at her when she asked why no-one had helped he sister to eat her meal, the answer she did not want it and it was left there for later. They soon jumped to attention when she introduced herself, as that was her hospital (well the old one was) and she was well known. She was horrified and an old lady kept shouting out for a bed pan all the time she was ignored, soon my friend got up and went for someone to come and attend to her, as the nurse approached her, she said your to late, I have messed myself, and she started crying. By the time I got my friend out of there she was shaking with anger. Needless to say the next day she was on the phone to all she knew, that still work there, everytime I took her after that you could see them hovering about making sure everyone in the ward was OK. I have to ask myself if she had not made herself known what kind of treatment would her sister and the others in the ward recieve. These new hospitals all look wonderful with their airport terminal waiting areas, Costa Coffee and so on, but the care element has gone practically non existent. A few weeks later I went with another elderly neighbour to visit her son, he was in the other brand new hospital, but further away, it was November, the ward was so cold, it was sleet and howling a gale, he wand the others were lying in beds with a sheet and nothing else, he was frozen and so were the others. They told the nurses and they said they would get some blankets, that was about 3 hours before we arrived, He was lying next to a wall of glass custains wide open rain battering against the windows frozen. I went looking for the nurses station which is in the middle of the corridors with the wards leading of it. I asked for blankets , it took them the whole of the visit to come with some blankets for the patients. He told me they could,nt have toast with their breakfast as if the alaram went off, Balfour Beattie charged them a call out fee to switch it off and it was so sensitive just cooking could set it off. No one came into these wards the whole time we were there , except with the blankets, despite an elderly man who was very distressed calling out non stop for a nurse. When the medicine trolley came round, it was an agency nurse, who spoke not very good English, and when she went to give out neighbours son, his medication, she was giving him the wrong ones as the DR had changed the medication that morning. He said all the patients told him to make sure he listened and asked what medication he was to take, and to ask the nurses before he took it and check he was being given the right amount. :shock: As most are agency nurses and did not always get it right. :shock: After these visits I am sorry to say I have not got much faith in the care provided in our hospitals. The other week my OH did not feel well at the week-end, i said I will take you to the hospital, he said no way am I going in at the week-end have you not read the newspapers. Bless my dear old neighbour she worries about everybody when they have to go to the hospital and always visits to make sure they are getting the correct care. She understands that hospitals are bursting at the seams and nurses and clinical ward assistants are under a lot of pressure, but she said the compassion and respect that they should be showing towards the patients has gone and that alone can make a very ill patient feel much more comfortable and help towards their recovery. I am not sure care in UK would be any better than care in Cyprus, I think the only thing that would be missing is the support of the family. We support our older neighbours, their families live in other places, and are unable to visit every day, and they appreciate that we look out for them, and will continue to do so. We check their curtains are open every morning, shop for them, take them places, help with large chores, and would do the same if and when we ever get to Cyprus and find someone needs our help and support Next week OH is going with the nursing friend to DR and hospital, wish it was me as I would like to be there if she thinks they are not delivering the care with respect and compassion. :) That is why living abroad in another country it is good to have some close friends and I know what you say about them helping in difficult times, and how much can we expect them to help, but I think many would do the same for someone , anywhere, if they needed the help and in times of need.

Posted By: scottie

What a horrendous story Tina you had me crying. It must haunt you and my heart goes out to you. Strangely enough it was a passing remark made by you on a post last week that set my mind off on the train of thought which prompted me to place the post. You have hit the nail on the head with the word familiarity . However that word does not seem to be appropriate as nothing you have described is at all familiar to me having been away so long and totally unaware of the conditions you described. again as you say " where to go " ? Albeit in the future it has to be thought about and planned as it is not a rehearsal it will be the last move . Good to get other peoples views and experiences to put into the thinking pot. Family of course come into the equasion and ones proximity to them even if it is to do as you did " stick up and speak up for one " to get things done. Did you ever see the film Logans Run if so the carousel seems like a very good idea at times. If not try to find a copy. My condolences on your Mothers passing :cry:

Posted By: Tina Torment

I know this post is long & I apologise in advance but if your interested in health care, please take the time to read it. For us, I would say it's more to do with the knowing or feeling of security we all relate to when thinking of the UK which is, for most, the country of origin. We know the system, we know the entitlements, we know where we can get support. Cyprus takes us outside of our comfort zone as it's a learning curve for most of us & being incapacitated with a disiability of not being able to speak the language fills most of us with fear. That being said, having just recently nursed my beloved mother through terminally ill cancer back in the UK, I can say without doubt that the NHS care sure has certainly changed since we lived in the UK. I found we actually had far less support than we expected & if it wasn't for a local hospice's help we would have really struggled with transport to & from the hospital. The hospice is run by retired nurses (angels) who donate their time, vehicles & wholly rely on charity & donations financially to keep running! Despite requests to the MacMillan nurses, I personally found they were rather shy of calling, same as the practice nurse & I think this was because Hexham was a bit rural & betwixt & between areas. I found I was struggling for information on support & if it hadn't been for my laptop, I know things would have been far more difficult. Luckily, my mother still had an ISP due to her grandchildren staying over but most pensioners have no idea what this is & don't have it. The point is that IF I hadn't been able to care for my mother & insist she get the medical care needed which had me literally harassing hospital staff at times, I shudder to think how my poor mother would have coped. For instance, when a patient is blitzed by chemo & radio therapy, by the following week the patient's blood count is at its lowest & they're prone to catching infection so a daily 70 mile round trip to hospital is an ordeal. Our hospice angel collected us, drove us to the hospital & waited with us for the return journey home (all free!!) but my mother was so ill, after her radio therapy, we were told she would have to see a doctor. Sooooo, we waited in a main hospital waiting area full of other seriously ill patients & their families...and we waited, and we waited and we waited. 2 hrs later we were still waiting despite my continually reminding staff that my mother was clearly very ill & really needing to be in isol of some sort. She was coughing mucus & blood continually! We were told they were short staffed & the doc had been called away to an emergency on a ward. Eventually, after my continually begging & reminding, we were moved in to a side room & the waiting continued. Still no doctor. By this time my mother was nearly flat out in her wheelchair riddled with chest infection & extremely weak! After a further hour of waiting, I created mayhem by telling staff that was it, we were going home as we had been over 4 hrs at this hospital & my mother who refused my offers of refreshment, needed food & a drink! All this time, the hospice angel stayed with us! Suddenly, we were surrounded by staff all very sympathetic & yay...we were told to go to the next level where the doctor would see us. Bit like a Super Mario game! Sooo, I wheeled my mother up to the next floor ........& the bloody waiting continued in a highly populated area with other people with infections! The next hour & more was spent with me getting upset at our treatment & continually requesting the desk staff get my mother in to an isol room. They did not. I was told the doctor was extremely busy & would see Mam when he was available! Eventually, I kicked up such a fuss that they gave in & moved us to a side room where the waiting continued until I found a nurse & told her we were going! Again, influx of nursing staff all stood round my mother apologising for her treatment & eventually she was given a cuppa but not before my mother was crying & begging me to take her home! She'd had enough. So had I. To this day, my heart brakes thinking of her little tearful face looking up at me so ill & so upset....a memory that will live with me forever. I'm sobbing writing this. Ironically, she never moaned about all of this not even once.....moaned about every other bloody thing though but never at what she endured...and all eventually for the final outcome. We did not get to see the doctor but we were, however, moved to a waiting ward where we sat again & waited. Eventually, we sent the hospice angel home even though she was reticent to leave but she had been with us since 9.am & it was no 6pm....a massive 9 HOURS!! After a further half hour wait on this ward, a female doctor came, took one look & admitted my mother. I was told she would have to go on immedate intravenous antibiotics & meds, together was breathing apparatus due to the severity of her infection! Now then, by the time my mother was admitted on the upstairs ward...a further waiting of 2 hours & my getting her comfortable, it was over 11 hours I had been at this hospital without food & just one cuppa as I was so scared of leaving my mother on her own & believe me, she would have been on her own if it wasn't for my being present! Luckily, my son's g/f drove the 35 miles to collect me because our home town is rural & I had no immediate cash for bus/train or a clue how to get across town to those services. During her hospital stays my mother caught several infections because she was rarely put in isol. She was also sent to attend radio therapy 3 floors down wearing just a thin nighty, walking with a drip stand, unaccompanied by any staff when she could hardly stand herself! I arrived just in time & managed to get her a wheelchair, her housecoat & took her down but if I hadn't have been there she would have tried to manage without complaint on her own! If you think this was a one off isolated incident, it was not. This happened twice to us. The Freeman hospital is one of the main, renowned cancer hospitals of the North East of England. Whilst I have nothing but praise for most the nursing staff, they, like most other services, are short staffed, underpaid & over worked. Those waiting rooms were packed full of terminally ill people who are all patiently waiting their turn with what little life they have left even though they too are riddled with infections, bless them. This is the reality of the UK NHS system today! What I'm trying to say is that whilst I always thought that maybe eventually we would return to the UK if we became infirm or needed support with our health, now I'm no longer sure that would be the answer either! I know this thread is mainly about home care but this is also part of it because as we become infirm, this is the quality of care being given now. Not sure what country or where the answer lies?



Posted By: SBS

There is a Care Home in Dherynia. Can't remember what it's called but you can go there permanently or just for respite. I'm sure there was a thread on it here a couple of years ago. I've seen the leaflets for it. Things will improve here in time. Now there is the Alzeihemer's Association I'm sure more Groups will follow.

Posted By: scottie

Thank you a lot of interesting info there. Exactly what I was looking for and the more input the better. Younger people ( ah sweet memories) of course can get a dose of wanderlust and take off. Perhaps it is a thing that occurs to one as a reality when there are no longer the 20 30 40 years to play around with. Or perhaps one was feeling maudlin on the day the thread was started ?

Posted By: journo

There isn't a single person in our extended family who would happily 'commit' to living anywhere in the world for the rest of their lives. That includes teens, 20-30s, and all the above groups up to 90-101.
No-one wants to feel 'trapped' in a country for life; they all want to keep their options open.
But realistically? There are good homes/nursing homes/medical and domestic care available in Cyprus for the elderly, even if not always free.
Yes, there is quite amazing free (and quite extensive) support for those with terminal illnesses in Cyprus.
Yes, there are also homes/sheltered housing facilities/terminal or specialised care options in the UK. Often extremely expensive and in a number of instances with dubious or no real 'care'.
There are expatriate families in Australia, New Zealand....and many other countries....who reckon they get better medical there in old age than they would in the UK, Cyprus, the rest of Europe...or the USA.
We also have friends in the UK who are distraught to find that there is absolutely NO social services support for aged neighbours who have paid into the system for their whole lives, are now physically or mentally challenged, and have no family to support them.
I don't think anywhere is perfect.
I don't think those with medical problems in old age will get better treatment in old age in the UK.
And no, I don't think anyone should EVER regard ANY home/country as the place they will DEFINITELY live till the end of their lives.
I have no desire (at the moment) to live anywhere other than Cyprus. But who knows how I may feel in 10, 20, 30 or 40 years' time??

Posted By: scottie

Oh dear I feel I have given completly the wrong impression in my original posting. I have lived here for going on 19 years and have taken Cypriot nationality ProVox and know only too well the excellent medical services which are available here. What I was getting at was when the time comes not too soon I hope that one is unable to make the journey to the services available ie old age. I remember when we had the old hut up in Paralimni and even then the medical service was excellent so please dont think I am knocking it. My husband has family here however since we have moved the young ones have had young ones and so on so they have immediate responsibilities that did not exist when we first came. My recent experience just made me so vulnerable hopefully temporarilly that it brought home to me that is the way I will be permantly if and when I live to a ripe old age,hence the query. My OH was wonderful thoughout this recent experience but when push comes to shove you are eventually dependant we all will be some day. I meant more on the social service side and as Geoff mentioned residential homes etc. Not meant to be doom and gloom it is just that I like the rest of us seem to think we are to an extent invincible and when sudden illness hits it makes one aware that we are only human. Thank you all for kind thoughts I am not in need at the moment it is just that it has brought home to me that the future is real and demands a lot of serious thought. I too have 2 wonderful children but cannot and will not expect them to drop jobs etc to come look after me although they would I am sure :roll: I would still like to hear peoples views on the REALITY of staying here forever when one does look at it for real and not as something which may happen

Posted By: mouse

  • scottie wrote:
    Having recently been hit by what should have been a fairly straightforward illness but turned into a prolonged but hopefully on the mend one. The reality of being incapacitated either by illness or the inevitable " old age " hit me big time. Although often talked about when it hits for real it is an eye opener. We had intended staying here till the end however it has proved to be really difficult to keep going without the aid available in the UK. and has made one really take stock of the situation. Friends cannot be expected to take care of one long term albeit they are willing, they too are getting older. It has made me realise that sadly perhaps it is not an option and I genuinley would like others views looking at it for real , on the subject :(

Scottie,!! My wife and I made the complete break from the UK 9 years ago, We sold up and moved lock stock and barrel to Kapparis in the hope that the move was for life. I have found the medical services here pretty good in Paralimni, better than the UK. The only thing the UK wins hands down against most Countries is in cases of emergancy that is when the NHS comes into its own. Like you I sometimes think about what happens if!! and for us it is probably a double if,!! as we do not have a son or daughter to help if something was to happen. But we are surrounded by friends and we all help and will help each other if the case ever arises.
If ever you feel the need for help, I am sure someone will always be there for you. You are not far from us I don't think, if ever you want to talk about anything or just a chat, we are just a phone call away. Just email me off line and I will give you our number.
Kevin

Posted By: Elizavet

Hi Scottie, A wee while back, there was someone on the forum who raised this subject, I believe he is on his own and was concerned about coping if he had bad health or a problem where he would need some support. I think a few other members joined in to start up a support group to lend a hand when others find themselves in a position where they need help. I think it is a very good idea as you say, when you are on your own with no others to help it is distressing and could hamper your recovery. I have tried searching for the link , but due to the server crashing the links on the search seem to be gone, Maybe some who have got this group up and running may see your posts. I think it is a very good idea, and is something I would like to get involved in when we finally move there. I hope you are feeling better and maybe if the person who came up with the idea, lets you know if the group managed to get going, you could contact them and see if they can help . Anyone who feels isolated should get involved and not be scared to ask for help, as you can always do the same for someone else, when you are feeling better. Get well soon.

Posted By: scottie

I have only heard second hand of one in British one in Larnaca and the report was not too good I stress this was second hand info. Unfortunately after the invasion my Mother in Law had to enter a Cypriot one which although they looked after her very well is not really an option for many of us unless we have already got the stage of talking to ourselves as no one would understand us if like me one can just about get by in Greek



Posted By: geoffreys

  • scottie wrote:
    Having recently been hit by what should have been a fairly straightforward illness but turned into a prolonged but hopefully on the mend one. The reality of being incapacitated either by illness or the inevitable " old age " hit me big time. Although often talked about when it hits for real it is an eye opener. We had intended staying here till the end however it has proved to be really difficult to keep going without the aid available in the UK. and has made one really take stock of the situation. Friends cannot be expected to take care of one long term albeit they are willing, they too are getting older. It has made me realise that sadly perhaps it is not an option and I genuinley would like others views looking at it for real , on the subject :(

A very valid concern, which I am sure is shared by many of us.
In another thread Case suggested he might start a care home here.
I don't know if he was serious (probably not), but some ARE needed.
Geoff

Posted By: scottie

Having recently been hit by what should have been a fairly straightforward illness but turned into a prolonged but hopefully on the mend one. The reality of being incapacitated either by illness or the inevitable " old age " hit me big time. Although often talked about when it hits for real it is an eye opener. We had intended staying here till the end however it has proved to be really difficult to keep going without the aid available in the UK. and has made one really take stock of the situation. Friends cannot be expected to take care of one long term albeit they are willing, they too are getting older. It has made me realise that sadly perhaps it is not an option and I genuinley would like others views looking at it for real , on the subject :(

Posted By: ProVox

Scottie, You seem to have been listening to the doom and gloom merchants! What makes you think that what you get in the way of medical care in the UK is better than Cyprus? One simple example of where the system here beat the UK hands down: a month ago I burst a blood vessel in my eye; it was the morning that the doctor came to the Community Office. I arrived at 8-30, had a chat with some other ex-pats and locals waiting for the Doc to arrive, registered and saw the doctor by 9.15. He had a look and said I should go to the A&E at Limassol General Hospital to have it checked out but then gave me a prescription for eye drops anyway, which I got there and then from the pharmacist. I went back home had a cup of tea and went to A&E. I waited 15-20 minutes and went into A&E about 10.30, was taken straight to the Eye Doctor. Saw him immediately, he gave me more eye drops and sent me back to A&E with the paperwork ......... and they gave me even more eye drops. By 11.00 we were back in the car on our way to do some shopping .......... and three lots of eye drops better off. Would you get that in the UK? A more serious problem: Three years ago my wife needed Gamma Knife treatment that was not available in Cyprus, the nearest unit available was in Athens. It had taken us about a month to get an appointment with a neurosurgeon in Nicosia and within a week of seeing him, we were given an appointment in Athens, free return air ticket for my wife and a 20% discount for me. She had the treatment the day after we arrived, spent the night in hospital and returned to Limassol the following day. All this cost, apart from me having to pay part of my air fare and, although I found later I could have claimed it, two nights hotel bill, was nothing. We have had nothing but excellent treatment here and we have been entitled to free treatment for six years. Unlike the UK where everything has to be written, appointments made etc. here it is all done by telephone. The big problem here is that the ex-pats do not realize the benefits they are entitled to and assume many only apply to Cypriots, overlooking the fact the Cyprus is now part of Europe ..... and that is a whole different ball game. Even the civil servants will argue that you are not entitled because you are not a Cypriot National but in most cases this is not so, if you meet the income, age and other criteria, it is surprising what is available and you will get that entitlement if you do your home work. The exception to the above being the Ambulance Service ........ don’t bother! Get a taxi or get the OH/friend/neighbour to drive you to A&E. The other problem is the administration and bureaucracy, that is frustrating but if you have lived in the Middle East or any third world country you would rate Cyprus as better than most. :wink:

Posted By: scottie

Lovely response :D


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