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Posted By: Balconia

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage. Men are like.... Men are like ..Laxatives ...... They irritate the cr** out of you. Men are like ......Weather . Nothing can be done to change them. Men are like ...Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why. Men are like .....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips. Men are like ...Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off. Men are like ......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature. Men are like .....Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion. Men are like .Popcorn .... They satisfy you, but only for a little while. Men are like .......Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright. Heavily edited so as not to offend those oh so sensitive males !!!

Posted By: Byker

  • Balconia wrote:
    Men are like .Popcorn .... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Balconia, how much do you need then? :wink:
BTW, I'm not a "sensitive" type.

Posted By: Balconia

Mr Byker man :oops: :oops: :oops: :wink:

Posted By: Yvette

Ah, Carol, good one - you're getting the hang of it ha ha :D Mine is Mascara, bless him..... Here's a few more: Men's brains are like the prison system -- not enough cells per man. Men are like place mats. They only show up when there's food on the table. Men are like bike helmets. Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly. Men are like parking spots. All the good ones are taken. Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest. Men are like high heels. They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

Posted By: jo

Hi Yvette Can you sleep again?? Toooo Hottt Speak Soon Jo

Posted By: Yvette

where's that pic you promised to show me then??? I'm waiting with baited breath here Jo........ha ha :wink: Some black fluffy things just appeared in the sky over the beach!! And heard on the radio that we might have rain tonight!! I think I vaguely remember rain .......It must be because I cleaned my car today......

Posted By: Balconia

Yvette They're good too- I like the place mat one!! Lucky you in the sun- Since arriving back on the 4th August it has rained every single day at some point :roll: :roll:

Posted By: simonp

A light-hearted riposte! I've seen similar lists, but this one seems particularly well thought out: The advantages of being a man Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President of the USA. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt in the rain. You can wear NO shirt in the rain. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another petrol station toilet because this one is just too filthy. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress ?5000. Tuxedo rental ?75. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you to something he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is ?3.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You never have bra strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. AND You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. Simon.

Posted By: Balconia

Nice one Simon. I enjoyed them !

Posted By: Byker

1. NAMES If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy. 2. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20 , even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. 3. MONEY A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale. 4. BATHROOMS A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. 5. ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that... is the beginning of a new argument. 6.CATS Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. 7. FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. 8. SUCCESS A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. 9. MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change , and she does. 10. DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. 11. NATURAL Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. 12. OFFSPRING Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. 13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing

Posted By: Balconia

Good one Paul- Copied for the ladies at work today :lol:

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