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Posted By: mountainman

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. > When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme > sacrifice and gave up beans. > > Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home > from work. > Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him > that I would be late because I had to walk home. > > On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was > more than I could stand. > With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects >by > the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew >it, I had > consumed three large orders of baked beans. > > All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. > > Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed > delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." > > He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. > I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the > telephone rang. > He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and > went to answer the call. > > The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the > pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of > the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. > It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running > over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. > I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. > > Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The > stink was worse than cooked cabbage. > > Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other > room, I went on like this for another few minutes. > The pleasure was indescribable. > When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my > freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, > placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very > relieved and pleased with myself. > > My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband > returned, apologizing for taking so long. > He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him > I had not. > At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests > seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!" > > I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted By: welshy

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

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